Summed up nicely, I think.

This is without a doubt, one of the clearest glimpses you'll ever have of the mindset of the average baby-boomer.  This is the generation that cast Gordon Gecko as the villain, but sucked off his hind tit to the tune of ALL THE DOLLARS.

You know what?  You people are not, as one commentor to the article says, biting the hand that will feed you for the next 25 years.  You're biting the hand that WOULD HAVE fed, clothed and kept you for the next 25 years.

Just hurry up and die, already.  Fuck.

A heartwarming tale

Some self righteous hippie was beaten to death by seals.  To celebrate this victory over voluntary retardation, lets all sit quietly and think about other hippies who should be killed with the instrument of their imbecility.

I say we start with the anti-smoking lobby and the MADD bitches.  I've got a pitchfork, if you'll bring the torches.

Public Relations Pro Tip of the day:

If you'd like to be taken seriously, you know, like a grown up, then don't do shit like this:

Mass. Witches Assembling to End Tim Tebow's Season, Keep Tom Brady's Alive

Witches Lorelei and Lori Bruno were scheduled to hold a seance at noon today – Friday the 13th – at Haven Crow Corner in Salem, Mass. to fix a win for the Pats. 

“I’m going to raise the energy of the universe and send out all the good mojo,” Lorelei told the Boston Herald. “Lori will call in the Angels.”

Remember this lesson, and you'll rarely embarass yourself.

The turkey man

Somehow, I don't think this guy will wind up like the grizzly man.  It would be tragically hilarious if he did, though.

Obviously a narrow escape...

"The possums are coming….”

Not only is Fred a brigand (and likely as not to steal from little old women on their way to church to donate their last coin to the Starving Children Fund*) but he also is apparently against nude beaches for mutants:

Indicates nude beach for mutants. A country that encourages harlotry and promiscuity among the genetically differently-abled is clearly reprehensible.

Who is this evil obviously white man (but I repeat myself) to say that our neighbors the cousin/nephew/sister hybrid can't enjoy a little sun on the un-seen parts of their freakishly piecemeal bodies?  That's just small minded.

These are the mutants he meant, right? What's the problem here, Fred?

* - The Starving Children Fund is obviously a scam; everyone knows you can starve a child for free nowadays.  And yet, no one tells the elderly that the times have changed, and Dr. Malthus provides care free of charge.  The old ones are the REAL victims here.

For several reasons

I'm linking to this little piece for a few reasons.  First, as I think I have mentioned, I'm not a fan of the boomer generation, and I like it when other people beat up on them.

I also like that the author puts the blame at the feet of "the greatest generation." I've felt for a long time that those old shits have been resting on their laurels since they got home from the War. If they hadn't gone half-hard when they came back, I'm sure their kids wouldn't have turned into god-damned dirty apes... er, hippies.  (Same thing, really, though apes tend to smell better.)




And if you'd done a better job, asshole, we could have colonized it, but you left most of it intact.  You and your generation are the WORST imperialist aggressors in history, with the exception of your kids.


Mostly though, I like this bit:

That about captures the asshattery that is the Baby Boomer generation and how they've caused utter economic and cultural stagnation as they've built their idol to Mammon, which is not a Golden Calf, but rather a Golden Mirror.

It just has a nice little ring to it, and since February is coming up, and with it my yearly re-read on the bible, it really caught my attention.

That is all.

The code has (almost) finished compiling...

I've been working this out in my head for a while.  It's not entirely polished yet, but I had to write it to help me get to the last finish on it.  Deal with the imperfections as you wish.




Uh, the imperfections should be hard to miss...


So one of my major problems is with the generation directly previous to mine.  There are, in my rough estimate, fewer than ten members of that generation I wouldn't like to see suffer a painful death.  I've pointed out a few reasons why, but those aren't the real problem with the fucking hippies, they're just symptoms of the disease. (FYI: There is no "boomer," "baby boomer," or "me" generation any more; they've all turned into dity smelly hippies; the flat chested women are ugly and short haired, and the indifferently groomed men weak-willed, sad and emasculated.)

Her beard isn't quite as long as his.  Think about that sentence for a minute.

They've taught us that all men are rapists, all women are pure-hearted, and that all men are rapists.  They've given us the pick-up artist, the slut walk, the 5 foot tall 250 lb gorilla who demands a "real man," and the "sensitive male."



Title IX claims another victim.



Possibly worst of all, they've given us Grrrl Power, as if acting like a man is something women should be proud of.  They condemn the masculine impulse to be dominant (as differentiated from "dominating") unless it's expressed by a woman in flannels, work boots and a mullet.  Instead of 'acting like a lady' you're told 'well behaved women rarely make history' and encouraged to be abrasive, to distrust men, and to essentially revel in bitchiness.

And guys, we've been led to believe that sensitivity is a primary sex characteristic.  That not only should we have it, but if we don't we should probably be in jail. The smelliest generation led most of us to believe that being soft-hearted, having a good cry, and letting out our emotions were key to landing the ideal woman. A woman we were told shouldn't be too pretty but should have a great job, a fast car and not want kids until she's forty-five, or whenever she's done "finding herself."




She left her husband because she was bored. She used his money to travel the world to bone some dudes, sit in lotus for a week or so, and eat shitty foreign food.  Imagine writing a story about a dude doing that.
You can't, can you? It's amazing this woman didn't "find herself" brutally murdered upon her return to the states.

 You see what they did, right? They turned it on it's head. Just like a goddamned teenager will do with religion when they leave home for the first time, they took what worked and did the opposite. Unlike the hypothetical teenager (i.e. "ME") they never outgrew the rebellion for the sake of rebellion phase (also known as being an asshat).  In the same way the the perfect is the enemy of the good, the radical is the enemy of the useful.  Maybe change in sexual politics was needed, but now we'll never know because they broke it beyond fixing.

Happy? Probably a sign of brain damage.

Scientists say optimism is the result of a faulty brain.  The glass was half empty all along:

Scientists have discovered that people who are very optimistic about the outcome of events could in fact have a "faulty" brain.

The study, which was published in Nature Neuroscience, suggests that the brain is very good at processing information, whereas some people ignore anything negative, leading them with a positive outlook.

This is the lowest rung on the ladder of response to the terminally happy.  Step two is genital mutilation.

Hear that, you happy shit heads?  You are wrong.  Not just in the way you think, but in the way you were made.  Wronger than any wrong person could wrongly believe they could be wrong.  Built incorrectly.  Less perfect than your brethren.  By destroying your happiness and self-esteem I am helping to fix you.  Because you need fixing, you lousy sacks of happy-clappy shit.



Also, please die.



Cake, Entropy, and Fuck the Hippies

A little deeper conversation about the grunge music scene, second wave gen-xers and fuck the hippies.

You could argue that grunge’s anger would eventually devolve into emo, and that the second-wave Generation X sub-culture would eventually degenerate into hipsterism… you could argue that, and you might even be right. But goddamn it, the Baby Boomers have romanced Woodstock ’69 into fucking the second coming of Jesus and the return of classic Coke all rolled into one; I feel entitled to a bit of indulgence, to pointing out how cool things were while ignoring what they’d eventually become. Maybe you could argue that this trend, this cultural entropy, is part of why Generation X has been largely ignored—I leave that as an exercise for the reader. Hell, make a blog post about it, and I’ll link to it, if you write that article…

Also check out his guide to gen-x.

Mental Health Fit Test (follow up)

So late last week was my mental health check up to make sure I am safe to carry a gun.  The TL/DR sum up is: "safe enough for now, and besides we can't fire you, the overtime would be atrocious."

If that doesn't settle your mind about my fit for duty status, read on, you'll see that it's either much much worse than that, or no big deal at all.

I went into detail last week about the hippie shit I expected to deal with in this session.  You may or may not recall that I'm not fond of hippies in general, and there are only two that I really like.  They're also the only two I don't want to punch in the face.

The good news, was that this session did not involve the same hippie shit head I expected.  It involved an entirely new one.  As in, just fucking graduated or whatever it's called when a PhD decides he's had enough schooling and want to go inflict himself upon others.  His sheepskin, honest to Cthulu had a date from earlier this summer.  This summer that isn't over yet.

I wasn't as disturbed by that as one might think.  After all, a brand new degree in listening to self-pitying losers lie about themselves must be just as valid as an old one, right? Some of the best cops I've met are still within their first five years of being a cop. (The fifth year is when a cop is either going to quit, die, or be just fine as a cop.  It's typically when he's got enough experience to make himself complacent.  It's a dangerous year. After that year, on the job deaths drop significantly.) So his being green wasn't a big deal for me.

The big deal was that the first thing he said to me was an obvious lie.  I saw he had four or five posters on the wall of his alma mater, A&M, as well as a few knick-knacks on his desk from the same.  I said, in what I wanted to be a relatively un-mean voice, "An aggie, huh?"

"Well, I don't really get into that whole college thing.  It doesn't matter where you went, just that you went to school."

"Listen, kid, you'll do a lot better at this job if you don't assume your patients are stupid. Don't fucking lie to me and I won't find a reason to have your car towed."

"You're pretty hostile."

"I don't like you, your profession, nor the idea that a punk like you can have anything useful to say to me besides 'yes sir, sorry sir.' This is a waste of time, I've been awake for 17 1/2 hours and I want to go home and sleep."

Pretty much exactly like this.

It took another ten minutes before he was convinced that I wasn't sleepy because of depression or from having committed suicide or something.  He couldn't understand night shift.  Literally did not know how it worked.

"You work at night?"

"Yeah..."

"How can you do that?  Why do you work at night?"

"Do you eat paint chips often, or just this morning?"

I knew it was a ploy to get me to share my feelings, and probably pin the blame on my folks for being as fucked up as he obviously thought I am (after all, I don't even have a masters degree, yet...).

"Doc, I'm not a sharer.  We need to end this so I can go to sleep."

"I can't let you go back to work until I know you're safe. To do that, you need to share."

"I don't share.  I'm not a sharer."

"That's not a word. Tell me about yourself.  Where did you grow up?"

"Seriously?  This is what you sank yourself into debt for? This is why you've moved to bum-fuck Texas to have the VA pay off your student loans, to ask me where I grew up?  You know that's playing minor league ball, right?  You'll get murdered in the majors."

"Why don't you like to share?"

"You're not my wife, you're not my friend, you're not my partner.  That's it.  Those are the people who get shared with.  Now fuck off, I'm done."

And we sat there in silence for twenty minutes.  I am required to attend these things, but I am not required to say anything, so I didn't.  He asked a few more questions, I went to sleep.  I woke up and he was typing, said I could go.

"So, Doc, am I safe to carry a gun?  Did you do your job?"

"You're safe enough for now."

I call it a success.

In which I become European. (And remain pissed off.)

Remember when Europeans, Brits specifically, used to be awesome?  Remember these guys?

These are the guys that kept Hitler and the Galactic Empire of the 1940's from invading their really small island.  Also, they did it with zero outside help, and with an army that was essentially a million years out of date at the beginning of the invasion, at the end of the invasion their army was stronger than the beginning.

That's right, after 6 years of getting their asses whipped by Darth Hitler, they were stronger and more powerful than ever.  (like if Obi Wan hadn't turned into a see through platitude pusher, but instead turned into a velociraptor with light saber claws and laser-eyes.  You know what I mean.)

What the fuck England? You're supposed to be the fucking bad-ass grown-ups of the world, right?  You're letting us down.  I will now take on the guise of a European in order to show you how it should be done.

LONDON (AP) — Each of the young rioters who clogged Britain's courthouses painted a bleak picture of a lost generation: a 15-year-old Ukrainian whose mother died, a 17-year-old who followed his cousin into the mayhem, an 11-year-old arrested for stealing a garbage can.

Listen, I know he's eleven, but who the fuck steals a garbage can?  Honestly, if you're going to give up on your civilisation at least steal something better than a trash can. (Also, see how I spelled it with an "s"?  That's because I'm the most continental fucker you know, asshole.  Or maybe I meant incontinent. Whatever. Dick.)

"Nobody is doing nothing for us — not the politicians, not the cops, no one," a 19-year-old who lives near Tottenham, the blighted London neighborhood where the riots started. He only gave his nickname, "Freddy," because he took part in the looting and was scared of facing prosecution; he was not among the youths in court.

Sounds like fun!

Really, "Freddy", someone should have explained a long time ago that when you're 19 you should be doing things for yourself.  You're young, and presumably brighter than your neighbors, after all, he didn't get nicked by the coppers.  (See how European I can be?)  You should be capable of doing something constructive.  You're not, but you should be.

Daniel Cavaglieri, one of the lawyers for a 17-year-old who appeared at Highbury Magistrates Court, said the youth was studying mechanics and trying to finish school. He was accused of following his older cousin to loot a clothing shop, and charged with intent to steal.

"His mother is furious he was out and about at that time. She genuinely thought he was at a friend's house," Cavaglieri told the court. "He's going to be grounded."

Oh, well let's drop all the fucking charges then, guv'!  (I am seriously Eurotrash now.  For some reason I have the urge to wear out of date fashion,listen to crap music and surrender to the Germans) He's going to be punished by his parents , which will of course work this time, when obviously all the other times didn't.  Somehow, THIS grounding will instill  some god-damned sense into this idiot's head.  THIS time it will be different, and the next time his bankrupt government announces it may have to consider austerity measures he won't go looting with his cousin.  What do you bet that his folks decide that his court appearance will be enough to scare him straight, and either forget about the grounding, or make it so short as to be negligible?

Under the Labour-led government of Prime Minister Tony Blair, authorities tried to penalize badly behaved youth with Anti-Social Behavior Orders, or ASBOs. The orders have since become badges of honor for many of Britain's youth.

Oy!  What is this bollocks? (I feel so god damned continental, it must now be the time on Sprockets when we dance...) What happened to fines, and work details, and youth prisons?  I want those back.  Also, the rack and public stocks.

Bugger, Shite, Nom De Plume, au revoir, Weinerschnitzel, dumkopf, piss off, taking the piss, Eiffel Tower, and pig-dog.  Now, someone give me a queen to salute, and I'll be as European as anyone.

I'm not awesome enough to wear a hat that cool.

New Reason to Smoke Pot

I didn't know this was a thing, even.

The twins now spend their time painting artworks and refurbishing furniture. They plan to enroll in college and said they hope to help legalize marijuana in all 50 states.

Apparently, not only does pot turn you into a big bag of other-accepting awesome-ness, it makes you unemployable.  Or, it could be that these two girls growed the fuck up about race, but are uselessly unemployable because they were raised by hillbilly hicks who worshipped hitler.

I mean, it's just possible.

Also, I'm tired of the pot-legalizers using marijuana's supposed healing powers and overall usefulness as a reason to legalize.  I'm down with people smoking pot, and if it were no longer illegal to do so, the world would be a hell of a lot nicer place.  But don't try to convince me you want it legalized because you want to make your own clothes, or rope, or because you have glaucoma.  I'm not stupid.

British Economic Stimulus

Dick move by the Worshipful Company of Glaziers and Painters of glass, or sound business decision?

Get Bent, America

Dept. of Commerce
“The price index for gross domestic purchases, which measures prices paid by U.S. residents, increased 3.2 percent in the second quarter, compared with an increase of 4.0 percent in the first Excluding food and energy prices, the price index for gross domestic purchases increased 2.6 percent in the second quarter, compared with an increase of 2.4 percent in the first.”

Translation: Shit done got expensive. Like, real expensive.

“Real personal consumption expenditures increased 0.1 percent in the second quarter, comparedwith an increase of 2.1 percent in the first.”
Translation: You folks ain't buyin' enough stuff.

Add to this the fact that our "recovery," so called, from the first quarter was "readjusted" from 1.3% growth to a staggeringly low 0.4%.  This isn't a "readjustment" this is showing up a bald faced lie. A growth rate of 0.4% is retarded, and not in the making fun of douchebags way. This is "slow or limited progress" but taken to a FUCKING RETARDED conclusion.

If the boomers, oozing cankerous assholes that they are, had been able to say no to handouts from uncle sugar, we wouldn't be in this mess.  If they'd just gotten a job instead of turning into god damned smelly hippies, we'd be all right, the lazy fucking shits.

If the "greatest generation" had said "hell no" to the great society, we wouldn't be in this mess.  Way to go limp when you get home from war, guys.  The brits had an excuse, they were all dead.  What happened to you fuckers?

Hell, if the generation x losers hadn't been such sissified pansies, more interested in pretending to be wall street tycoon rugged individual industrialist sorts while in reality using government handouts to rob the rest of the world blind, we might still have pulled out of this shit.  I may hate you guys worst of all.  Pretending to be all "reality bites" and disaffected and shit when you're the most pampered lazy fucks ever spawned.  I hope you choke on the bile you've fed the world.

Fuck them all.  Fuck Generation Y, whatever the hell that is, fuck the boomers, fuck the x-er shitheads, too.  I hate you all.