Listen up, you selfish men...

...you should have seen fit to give this woman the baby she deserves. 

Maybe next year? The sad truth was I didn't have many years left. I was 37 and increasingly desperate to start a family. But despite my ticking clock, I had heard those three words many times before, both from him and from a previous partner to whom I had been engaged several years earlier.
Indeed, the truth is that I have experienced nothing but trouble whenever I have attempted to persuade a man to have children with me.

You know, if you were pleasant to be near, and didn't focus on why he won't give you what you so clearly deserve, not only would the baby making have taken care of itself, but you'd probably also be asking your husband for a child, not some boyfriend who doesn't even live in the same house as the squalling ball of responsibility you want him to father.

But to suggest that somehow the age at which women conceive is within their control is naive and misleading.

No it's not.  If you were feminine, and kind, and didn't look like you wanted to fight* and focused on the building the family you claim is the only thing keeping you from being fulfilled right now, instead of becoming Gloria Steinem in Drag and waiting until you got to be 37 fucking years old before starting the process of starting the process to get knocked up, you could have had a child halfway through grade school by now. 

You made your fucking choice, it's not the responsibility of your "boyfriend" to decide to make bad choices with you.

By all means, go be a career woman, but don't complain when you realize men prefer Mary Tyler Moore** to Murphy Brown. 





This is your only option, woman.

* - Seriously, go look at her photo in the paper...I'll wait.  See? She looks like she wants to hit you. And that is her dressed up to be in the newspaper.  What does she look like at home?  It boggles the mind.

** - Mary from the Dick Van Dyke show, not the one where she works for the Television station. Also, any show with the name "Dick" is hilarious.  Also "Dyke."  My friend Ray used to pretend to be offended by the name, and wanted people to call it "Penis Van Lesbian."  Which I think says more about Ray than the show.  Murphy Brown was ugly, sounded like an effeminate man, and went through secretaries faster than Roasie O'donnell through a bag of Oreos.

An eloquent proposal for solving the problems in Detroit

To whit: "git off yo' ass."


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Detroit, a case study in collapse

Apparently, Detroit is in worse shape than previously thought.

We’ve been collecting operating deficits at about $18 million to $20 million a year. That’s nobody’s fault

, I think, frankly, the mayor and the council has done the best they can with what they have. The city has probably cut as much as it can cut to the bone now, and so its been trying to operate on the basis of borrowing short-term loans all the time,” he said. No one's fault? Surely it's someone's fault.

 

The answer to Detroit?  Send camera crews and watch it burn on  TV. 

Mood Regulation

Getting drunk watching twin peaks...

we're supposed to believe that bikers gather in biker bars to listen to ambient torch songs that sound like Brian Eno producing the Fleetwoods, with lyrics by David Lynch

I always liked twin peaks, and was strangely drawn into the movie "Fire Walk with Me." I don't really know why, either. If pressed about it, I might say it was the way Lynch made ugly things seem really, really ugly, but everything else so damned glamorous.

Or, it might be that the dancing midget has stolen my soul and I'm not my own man anymore.

Sometimes it's the only option

I'm not a hunnert percent certain this is legitimate

That awful 99.999%....

...making the rest of us look bad.

Fear the Future (rapidly approaching edition)

Evil mad scientists have hastened our doom, once again.



Looks like it wants to stick one somewhere painful, and it doesn't matter which, right?

George Lucas can eat a dick.

Especially if that dick is covered in poison.

What's the Hurry? (Detroit, a case study in Collapse)

What's the hurry, indeed...

"What is the hurry?" Councilwoman Brenda Jones asked Mayor Dave Bing's administration.
The hurry, some council members noted, is a Thursday deadline for Gov. Rick Snyder to approve a consent agreement, appoint an emergency manager or declare there is no fiscal crisis in the debt-riddled city.

Why should you bother to meet a deadline that might, but probably won't can't, save your city from collapse?  After all, isn't financial responsibility racist?

The board would be tasked with consolidating departments, and more, to help the city survive financially. City Council members and residents have loudly protested the consent agreement, with some saying it’s racist and others saying it strips residents of their right to have decisions made by their own democratically elected leaders.

Remember, it's not the absolute numbers that matter in a decline, but the rate of change. Detroit over the last Thirty years has shown how quickly a strong, useful, and prosperous city can be ruined.  It was bad in the eighties and worse in the nineties, but the last five years have been similar to the startling effects of compound interest.

"This is white-on-black crime," community activist Minister Malik Shabazz said during public comment. "This is white supremacy. Before you can take over our city, we will burn it."

Yeah, I know you will.  Dumbass.

It's like this, but with Imagine Malik Shabazz as Homer.  And also Detroit as Homer.  Okay, it's really nothing like this, but it's been a long time since I've updated this thing and I don't have any appropriate pictures.  Sue me.

*Now that we've moved back to twelve hour days, I may be able to actually keep up with this blog. Eight hours is not enough to actually do my real (paid) job AND keep up with the collapse. 

Fear the Future

Another exciting edition of "How the World Will End!"

Add camera, battery, and you're done!  Or, done for...

You know what? I fucking give up on you, asshole.

I hate you Dan Akroyd. This is beyond the god damned pale.

The question of whether or not there will be another Ghostbusters film has long been the subject of a public tug of war between beloved actor Bill Murray, who has always seemed more than skeptical about reviving the franchise, and vodka baron Dan Aykroyd, who would like to fill his many crystal skulls with riches paid in our nostalgia. But throughout their back and forth, there has at least always been the basic understanding that--even if Peter Venkman comes back only briefly, and as a CGI ghost--at least everyone would be returning to their respective roles before handing the whole operation over to the lanky guy from Criminal Minds.
No longer! Turns out, if you won't sign on to a mediocre script, Dan Aykroyd will just replace you with some other guy, even if you are GD Bill Murray.

I will no longer support a world where this is okay.  I hope everyone involved in this travesty is set on fire, and the ashes are shat upon by lepers. If you buy a ticket to see this movie I will personally punch you in the dick.  Unless you are a girl, then I will punch you in the cooter.

What the fuck is wrong with you people?

Seriously, not even wilco is this retarded.

In 2009, grandmother Sally Harpold was handcuffed and jailed in Indiana after she bought a box of Zyrtec-D cold medicine for her husband and a box of Mucinex D cold medicine for her adult daughter in less than a week.

So, what exactly?  She bought stuff legally in another state, used it legally in another state, and was jailed in YOUR fucking state?

I need a new god damned job.  I hate having to be represented by you god damned assholes.

OPSEC = Keep your head down

This is why you don't volunteer to be on television.

Just days after appearing on the National Geographic TV Show Doomsday Prepper, a prepper from Tennessee has been declared Mentally Defective and his guns have been seized by the government.

Why is anyone surprised?  If you show up on people's radar, especially people who don't like individual freedom (99.999% of cops) they will react.  If these people have significantly more power than you, don't have to follow the same rules as you, and are more conformist than you (again, 99.999% of cops) they will make you sorry.

Don't be a Butthead, remember OPSEC.

Keep your head down, get yourself ready, and to hell with the neighbors.  It's too late for most people anyway, and they won't appreciate being reminded they're about to lose their cable, let alone civilization.  All they'll do is lock you up.