You know what? I fucking give up on you, asshole.

I hate you Dan Akroyd. This is beyond the god damned pale.

The question of whether or not there will be another Ghostbusters film has long been the subject of a public tug of war between beloved actor Bill Murray, who has always seemed more than skeptical about reviving the franchise, and vodka baron Dan Aykroyd, who would like to fill his many crystal skulls with riches paid in our nostalgia. But throughout their back and forth, there has at least always been the basic understanding that--even if Peter Venkman comes back only briefly, and as a CGI ghost--at least everyone would be returning to their respective roles before handing the whole operation over to the lanky guy from Criminal Minds.
No longer! Turns out, if you won't sign on to a mediocre script, Dan Aykroyd will just replace you with some other guy, even if you are GD Bill Murray.

I will no longer support a world where this is okay.  I hope everyone involved in this travesty is set on fire, and the ashes are shat upon by lepers. If you buy a ticket to see this movie I will personally punch you in the dick.  Unless you are a girl, then I will punch you in the cooter.

Who wants to puke?

Do you like to vomit?  Well, grab a bucket and go for it!

She added: ‘The bigger I get, the better I feel. I feel more confident and sexy. Why shouldn’t I push the limits and see how fat I can get and stay healthy?’…‘I noticed I actually started attracting more men, and it made me feel good.’…‘I want to break the stigma that being fat is a bad thing,’ she said. ‘I remind other fat people that it is OK for them to be that way…‘The message I want to get across is for people to accept others for who they are.’

The thing that kills me is this woman is too big to work, right?  Where then does she get the money to fund her expansion project?  Does anyone think she's NOT being funded by taxpayers?

That's her in the middle.

Rise of the Planet of the ... Manipulative Bitch Apes?

Evil Mad Scientists have continued to play god. And not in the fun "space modulator" kind of way either, but by implanting human cells in mice to make "monsters."  That's the actual word used in the (regrettably short) report.  MONSTERS.

Worse, there are apparently plans in the works to "humanize" monkeys:

"The fear is that if you start putting very large numbers of human brain cells into the brains of primates suddenly you might transform the primate into something that has some of the capacities that we regard as distinctively human.. speech, or other ways of being able to manipulate or relate to us,"

Why was the world not warned about plans to make monkeys that could "manipulate... us?"  I mean, a violent overthrow? Yeah sure, I can kinda see that we've got this coming.  We've been pissing on the rest of the animal kingdom for millenia.

But I will not abide a passive aggressive monkey. "Sure, I'll get my damn dirty paws off you.  It's not like I'm a human and can lord over my genetic cousins or anything.  I'll just go to the kitchen and eat a banana.  It's all I'm good for anyway, right?  Right!?!"

And don't even get me started on the kludge emails they'd send.  "Forward this if you believe in Dr. Rosenbaum, the savior of the monkey race who made it possible for us to stop flinging poo and start writing emails to our lazy kids who never call anymore."

I will personally destroy the planet before I allow one more manipulative bitch into my life.  Some we're born to deal with, some we can good and god damn well avoid.

Fear the Future

I know, I know, I haven't got to the monkey thing yet, but sweet jeebus, what the hell is wrong with evil mad scientists? 

Steaky-wake and Eggy-weggs

We seem to be approaching a Clockwork Orange, and they'll tell us it's for our own motherfucking good, too.

Finally, Anderson and his team turned to the question of whether the VMHvl cells are necessary for aggression to occur. Using a different technique, they genetically “silenced” VMHvl cells, turning them effectively off for days at a time. This silencing significantly reduced the chances of an aggressive encounter and lengthened the time it took to initiate an attack

shitshitshit

I got wood.

Actually, I haven't, not for a long time. 

Apparently the FDA, those helpful people with the pyramid and plate and retarded advice on stuff, feel that companies who use cellulose (wood fibers) in their products are doing you no harm.

Thanks, guys.

What are you, stupid?

Why on earth would it seem like a good idea?  And why would you pay for the "priveledge?"  Seriously, Kiwis, get your shit together.